Impermanence and Being Pegged

When I was at the bookstore in San Francisco, I bought a book for a friend. In my usual style, I've decided to read the book before passing it on. It is called "Comfortable with Uncertainty" by Pema Chodron (ok, so i'm pretty sure i learned in english class that you underline book titles, not put them in quotations, but quotations look so much better). Now that I've been reading it, I can certainly recommend it. Pema Chodron is a Buddhist nun who breaks down ways to become more in touch with ourselves and become more open with the world. She talks about how our own happiness in life depends on realizing the impermanence of everything and being willing to breathe in the negative of life, but breathe out positive. I have been thinking about and reflecting on this a lot. Heavy.
I've been cleaning out my childhood room this week. I have been throwing out all sorts of things (the trash and goodwill bags in the hallway keep growing and growing). Some of this includes stuff I would have never considered parting with even a few years ago--dance recital flowers, magazines, stuffed animals, candles, glasses (eye and drinking), clothes, pictures. It's all just stuff. I am still holding on to many things, too many things, but what for? Why do we feel this need? I don't even hold this stuff close to me--I am almost always 1000 miles away from it. Seriously though, what do you do with 4-H posters from 7th grade? trophies? sequined leotards? Put them in a dump? Put them in a closet? Today I took apart the raft. My dad drained my waterbed, which is actually a bed he built and used in his college days. We carried it out and down to my grandma's, in order to take a different bed from there for my room--a historical bed from the Pyle house. Wasn't my waterbed historical too? Why are we valuing one over the other? My new bed, although not built by a Milligan, does have the Milligan touch. My silly grandpa cut about 6 inches off of the legs on the headboard many years ago. I guess they weren't using the bed and he saw value in its wood. He needed some blocks of wood for some project and the headboard legs provided just what he needed. Now cinder blocks lay under the remaining headboard legs to make them even with the footboard. Ahhh...the Milligan touch, hehe. My dad and I also removed one of my favorite things in my room, my butler's chest that I used for a dresser. It has such neat lines and curves. My dad got it for free a long time ago from a friend--so there is no value in it. I was being sentimental about it after we took it out and my dad offered to put it back in my room, but that would be ridiculous. My room isn't even my room now, it is my mom and dad's, in their house. Maybe soon it will be time to finally change my permanent address away from Dana, Indiana. oh goodness, goodness to betsy.
This wasn't what I planned on rambling on at all in this entry. I was going to talk about visits made this break--not stuff in my room. The visit to mom's side of the family was good. I don't know those cousins anymore. I wish I did. I know now at least what they're up to and whatnot, but not who they really are. We did get to laugh together about grandma's tranquilizer (wait...is that not pc?). Christmas with my dad's side of the family was wonderful. I find that at these family gatherings I always connect with a few people and then it's a grab bag for another few. There were 24 of us. I got to hear about adventures of others...adventures that are amazing...the first semester of college, sophomore year of high school, moving down South, travelling all about the states, and more. My sister and brother (in-law) were in town for the few days between these holiday gatherings. It was great to hang around the house with them. I must say teasing the two of them gives me great joy as a little sister. Today was the annual gathering with friends from high school. We are all so different now. There were 5 of us girls... three of them with husbands there...one dog...one cat. I enjoy the opportunity to chat and share current interests and opportunities. When we first gathered, it was a bit awkward. I sit back and think, "why is it that we still get together?" Stupid question though. I love these girls and even though life revolves around impermanence, I don't want to lose them. Awkwardness faded, even though I feel us judge each other. I feel judged, yet I think it's a product of our own curiosity. It's hard not to impede your own thoughts and opinions into your understanding of another, especially one you care about. I get pegged into certain categories--"hippie," "environmentalist"--why do i care? i suppose it's that stubborness in wanting to be free of being pegged as anything. can't i just be me? i may be an environmental educator, but a bad environmentalist. I can't even get my parents to recycle. goodness. as i talk to my boy on the way home, i think he's confused by all this. "a hippie because you live in yosemite?" thank goodness for some perspective. time to stop magnifying my storyline. we should just all become buddhist and open our hearts and minds to connect. connect with each other, connect with our world. shit, does that sound like a hippie?

fam and friends--thanks for a great week and christmas holiday.
happy anniversary to jess and craig!